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The Social Media Comparison Game and How to Beat It

Photography: Deanna Kourtney Photography

Outfit Details:

Sweater (Lizard Thicket Greenville) similar style here | Jeans

Boots  (under $40!)| Sunglasses | Purse

The Comparison Game

Gucci Belts. Fairy Lights. Goldendoodles. These are all things I considered buying this year in the name of Instagram. Sure you can try staying off of social media, but you can’t really do that when it’s your job! I’ve been sitting on this post for days because I didn’t want to admit how this hits so close to home. It’s very easy in an environment like blogging or even just as a typical consumer of social media to compare yourself to others.

“Comparison is the thief of joy” and we all know that to be true. I’m not talking about in the competitive aspects of how studying people in your industry can help you be a better brand. I’m talking about focusing on the superficial moments that affect your mentality. “How do they get their hair perfect EVERY time?” “Where do they find the money to go on trips to fun places. Wish that could be me.” “Why am I still stuck at X amount of followers when she started blogging after me?”

The feelings of self-doubt kept growing stronger and I knew I didn’t want to be on this path again in my life. When I was in middle school and high school I struggled with self-esteem and comparison constantly. It would always come in waves and of course, it was immediately interrupted when I was reminded that I was pretty… for a black girl. Or reminded that I was the friend who was invited just because I was friends with the most popular girls in school. I hated feeling that way. Like I wasn’t good enough and that no matter how hard I worked to get noticed, it would never be enough in comparison.

I wish I had some special eureka moment to share when I finally got it, but I don’t. There was just a time right before college when I remember thinking to myself, “I don’t have to live this way. It’s draining keeping a pulse on what everyone else is doing. Why would I want to waste my energy on something that’s not ultimately helping me to become a better person or better my future? College is honestly when I learned to stop giving people my joy. (#RECLAIMINGMYTIME lol) It’s only when you start focusing on your own goals and opportunities that you can really shine.

We Need to Work On Our Authenticity

In the blogging world, comparison is the reason why the market has become so inauthentic. People are buying followers, comments, and likes or participating in loop giveaways every week. And for what? Some number to flaunt to strangers to prove superiority? If we’re not careful, this can end like a creepy Black Mirror episode. When it comes down to it, being fake does nothing for bloggers in the long haul. 2018 marketing trends will push for more diverse, content creators to make videos, podcasts, and to be more genuine with their followers. Those girls with the perfect feeds who have the personality of a potato will hardly last.

If you’re trying to be the boss babe that I know you can be, it shouldn’t matter how other people are approaching their business. Stay. In. Yo. Lane. Use that time and energy to work on creating something that can really benefit your followers and put back something useful in this world. For me, that means sharing stories just like this one. Unapologetically opening up about my insecurities and how even though I’m stronger now, I still struggle with them. I’m guilty of a few controversial blogger growth tactics like loop giveaways, the follow/unfollow method, and comment pods. It kind of makes me sick to even know I tested them out. Maybe instead of worrying about the quantities of followers, we should’ve been focusing on the quality of our content.

Here are 3 Ways to avoid Comparison on Social Media:

1. Unfollowing Toxic People: That can mean anyone who makes me feel these moments of inadequacy or those who are just there to waste your time and not support you. When I first started blogging, I actually avoided following repost accounts and RewardStyle because I never saw women who looked like me. Fill your feed with inspiration and not the false, aspirational narratives of others.

2. Having Honest Conversations with Yourself: If I want to have x amount of followers is it because I want to reach more people for Christ as a brand or because another blogger just hit that same goal. If it’s the latter, I need to find ways to do it for ME. Understanding the reasoning behind our decisions as bloggers are so important.

3. Community Over Competition. Always:  I found a quote on Instagram recently that says, “Don’t compare yourself to others. There’s no comparison between the sun and the moon; they shine in their own time.” It’s ok to support other women and still be hustling for your own dream. Empowered women, empower women. Right, ladies?

It’s easy to fall into the social media comparison game and envy other people’s highlight reels. We’re all works in progress and that’s ok! I can already tell 2018 is a year for mental and spiritual growth for me. If you struggle with comparison, let me know how you hope to fix it this year below!

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How to Get Into NYFW as a Small Blogger | NYFW Tips


Are you a new blogger hoping to attend New York Fashion Week? While it takes hard work, it's not impossible as a small blogger! I've attended NYFW twice with under 10K followers on Instagram. Check out my tips on how to get invited to shows, pitch hotels, and more!

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Are you a new blogger hoping to attend New York Fashion Week? While it takes hard work, it's not impossible as a small blogger! I've attended NYFW twice with under 10K followers on Instagram. Check out my tips on how to get invited to shows, pitch hotels, and more!

Are you a new blogger hoping to attend New York Fashion Week? While it takes hard work, it's not impossible as a small blogger! I've attended NYFW twice with under 10K followers on Instagram. Check out my tips on how to get invited to shows, pitch hotels, and more! Are you a new blogger hoping to attend New York Fashion Week? While it takes hard work, it's not impossible as a small blogger! I've attended NYFW twice with under 10K followers on Instagram. Check out my tips on how to get invited to shows, pitch hotels, and more! Find out more on the blog, GoodTomiCha. A Southern Fashion and Lifestyle blog by Tomi Are you a new blogger hoping to attend New York Fashion Week? While it takes hard work, it's not impossible as a small blogger! I've attended NYFW twice with under 10K followers on Instagram. Check out my tips on how to get invited to shows, pitch hotels, and more! GoodTomiCha | Southern Fashion and Lifestyle Blogger Southern Fashion and Lifestyle Blogger, GoodTomiCha, shares preppy style options for the winter. Winter fashion Winter Style OTK boots Franco Sarto Loft Cable knit sweater Black Fashion Blogger Black Fashion Blogger, GoodTomiCha, shares her southern fashion and lifestyle advice on the blog! Shop this outfit with LiketoKnow.it and find more style inspiration on GoodTomiCha. Cable knit sweater. Herringbone skirt. Otk boots. Southern Fashion Blogger.

Outfit Details:
Sweater (comes in 7 colors! More styles here and here) | Skirt  | OTK boots | Cross-body Purse | Watch

Photography: Deanna Kourtney Photography

How to Attend NYFW: 

New York Fashion Week is almost upon us! I’m sad I won’t be attending this time, but I’m hoping to go back again in the future. I always thought that you’d either have to be a Hollywood A-lister or extremely wealthy to attend New York Fashion Week, but I’m happy to say that’s not the case!  I attended NYFW for the fall/winter shows in February 2017 and the spring/summer shows in September of 2017. If you’re worried about how you can get into shows as a newbie blogger, don’t give up just yet! My first fashion week I attended with about 4,000 Instagram followers and my second with only 5K-6K. I’m happy to share my tips and tricks with those in the same position as I was. It can be so intimidating to be surrounded by those who are much bigger than you! Here’s my advice if you’re wondering how to attend new york fashion week as a small blogger.

Study The NYFW Schedule:

Once the schedule has been released for the week, plan out which designers you would like to watch and how many days you’ll be there. Keep in mind that the smaller designers will be towards the beginning of the week, so that’s what you should aim for. The New York Fashion Week website provides in-depth details about the designers that you can remember for later when making your decisions. If you’re trying to decide between going in February or September, I always recommend the former if you’re a smaller blogger. The weather is usually a deterrent for most and it’s a lot more low key! I was able to secure way more invites to Fashion Week for Spring/Summer.

Reach out to PR Companies for Invites:

LinkedIn becomes a great friend here. After googling which PR companies are in charge of the designers, find the email addresses of the PR agencies to contact them for invites. Try and contact them 4-6 weeks before the show. If you’re apart of blogging communities such as RewardStyle, they have full lists available for you too! Keep the emails short and sweet. You can imagine how many emails they receive to attend these shows! Include a media kit, perhaps a link to a blog post covering a local fashion week as an example, and a brief message explaining who you are. Try to get invited to as many shows as possible and don’t sweat it if you don’t get invited to the biggest designers. I sent out probably 100+ emails and didn’t receive a response to every single one. Celebrate the wins and try and build a relationship with them for the next time!

Pitch Beauty Brands, Boutiques, Hotels, and More:

Fashion Week is such a great networking opportunity! I consider myself to be an affordable fashion blogger who posts about accessible style. If you’re wondering if it makes sense to go, it definitely does. Pitch beauty brands like Loreal or Drybar to work with them while you’re in the city. As a smaller blogger, I worked with Red Dress Boutique and other local brands to save money on cute outfits for the trip. I also saved money by pitching smaller hotel chains or boutique hotels for complimentary stays. Ultimately, I got to stay with the one-of-a-kind Yotel, which is right by Times Square!  Try and find other blog-worthy experiences while you’re in the city and see how you can create multiple posts out of your trip.

Get in touch with other bloggers:

This will be your best resource for a new blogger. I’ll admit in February, most of my invites to shows were because other bloggers were too tired to make all of theirs! I was able to see Jeremy Scott (designer for Beyonce) and more in my first experience. They’ll be able to share PR contacts, hotel recommendations, and more!

Are you attending NYFW this year?  I hope this was helpful for those trying to figure out how to get into a fashion week in the future! You can also always reach out to me if you have any questions in the comments below. :)

Check out my recap of Spring/Summer 18  NYFW and Winter/Fall 17 NYFW.

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My Blogging Goals for 2018 | The Future of GoodTomiCha

I'm ready to keep improving my blog next year! I'm sharing my blogging goals for 2018 and all of the exciting changes coming to GoodTomiCha. I've partnered up with Ashley Shelly to share her gorgeous planners for the new year! Did I mention you can use TOMI5 for $5 off? Shop them in my post!

Get your Ashley Shelly Planner here

2017 was such a crazy year for me in the world of blogging. Sure, I set a few blogging goals. But it was nothing like what I was actually able to accomplish! I went to New York Fashion Week TWICE?! You can read all about those insane experiences here and here. I met some incredible blogger besties like Hannah Goldstein, Kelsey O’Brien, and many many more. I landed my first campaign with a national clothing brand and had over 20 sponsored post opportunities from HBO to hotel reviews.

I’m not saying any of this to brag about my blog. It’s opened so many doors for me and allowed me to grow as a creator and a businesswoman. God has truly blessed me this year and I give all of my success to Him. Many people wonder how I did this with under 7,000 Instagram followers and I’m ready to share my tips in 2018. For now, I want to share my blogging goals for the future. I’m constantly making lists and goals for myself and it’s no different with blogging! I’m ready to move forward and keep growing GoodTomiCha with your help!

My blogging goals for 2018

Starting a Youtube Channel:

After working for INSIDER, I knew that I would eventually start a Youtube channel. With video being such a huge part of the future of social media, advertising, and marketing, it’s a no-brainer. I’ve spent a couple of months brainstorming on what topics I wanted to cover. Would I focus solely on fashion or lifestyle? I’m definitely a beauty-lover, but nowhere talented enough to become the next Jackie Aina. So why not a combination of everything I love? Starting in 2018, I’ll  be sharing blogging tips, lookbooks, and challenges all in video form. Watch out world. I’m super excited (and equally nervous)! If you have any Youtubers you think I should try to collab with, let me know below!

Newsletters:

I’ve been saying I would set this up since I started in June of 2015. However, 2017 was really the first year I started taking blogging seriously. My newsletters won’t be annoying emails alerting you every time I publish a new post. Instead, it will be filled with purposeful, curated content sharing sales, fashion news, and weekly inspiration. Be on the lookout for signups!

Generate a steady monthly income:

I’ve been able to make my blogging career into a legitimate side-hustle (see how I balance it with school here). However, I’ll be honest. Becuase of payment schedules or hectic class schedules, there are months where I don’t generate any income at all. My goal in 2018 is to create some kind of monthly revenue. Now, I’m not saying I want to earn the equivalent of a full-time salary, but consistency would be nice!

Creating and actually sticking to an editorial calendar:

This one is definitely the hardest for me. It’s been a struggle for me to stay organized when I don’t have the income to pay photographers or invest in new pieces to shoot. However, I’ll have a more diverse stream of income in 2018 and shouldn’t have as much of a problem with this. I’m sharing this with you guys so you keep me accountable! I’ll definitely be putting this Ashley Shelly planner to good use. I’m committing to either 2 posts a week or one post and a video. Wish me luck!

Growing myself as a brand:

I mentioned in earlier blog posts the importance of personal branding for creatives and I want to make sure I’m practicing this to the best of my ability!  I aim to only partner with businesses that align with me professionally and that I truly believe my audience will enjoy.

Continue the conversation towards an inclusive blogging community:

If you’re a fashion blogger, you know how diversity is always a hot topic. The lack of full-figured influencers and women of color I see on my feed can be disheartening. I shared a little bit on my personal journey with diversity in blogging and how it affected me when I first started. My goal is to foster a relationship with bloggers from different backgrounds and create dialogue on how we can work towards better representation in this space. Even in college, this was always a passion of mine. I’m ready to be able to carry it over into an industry that I believe could really benefit from it.

Phew. Did I mention I’m excited?! They say if your goals (dreams) don’t scare you, then they aren’t big enough! I’m so thankful for each and every one of you who have commented, liked, or shared my posts these past two years. You helped me take what I thought would just be a fun hobby to a future I didn’t think was possible in such a short amount of time! I’m continuously blessed by all of you. Keep checking back to see me put these plans into practice. If you have any questions about blogging or ideas for Youtube videos, share them below!

P.S. Loved the planner featured? You can use TOMI5 to get $5 off your own Ashley Shelly planner! Use them for your own blogging goals or to get organized in 2018. Get them here. 

xx

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